#realtalk

Last week I was part of a Young Professional Panel at the Ad2 Get the Job Conference.

Now before you think this is a big deal, I'm VP of Ad2 Nashville so in a way I appointed myself to be on this panel. The catchy name given to our session was "Real Talk," which got me thinking. 

So here's some Real Talk,

I wore bikini bottoms as underwear this week. Because I'm almost 25 and still run out of underwear at least every other month.

I've found that it's easier to say I'm on the fence about having kids than to say I'm terrified I won't be a good mom or I won't find someone to love me and marry me and have kids with me.

I feel naked if I don't bring work home with me. 

I like to think my spirit animal is Emily from The Devil Wears Prada.

I make myself run downtown because if tourists are watching I won't stop.

I just stopped wearing my retainers last year. After you have braces twice you have serious trust issues with your teeth.

I spend more time figuring out my Tervis top and straw color combination than I do on my makeup every morning.

Do not goof around with friends in Target and try on the CZ engagement ring and band sets because you will get one stuck on your finger.

#realtalk

Get the Picture

This is a topic I have lightly tapped the past two years. I guess I've been too embarrassed, nervous, worried, not wanting to open myself up to judgement to fully touch on. And then last night I saw a Buzzfeed headline on Facebook that changed that.

This Is What Depression Really Looks Like

Once I clicked through to the article I was introduced to the Get the Picture campaign, "a campaign to end the use of head-clutching pictures in stories about depression." Young people across the world were sharing pictures of themselves in their darkest days of depression. There is no sad little cloud above your head, a bouncing blob following behind you, or a blanket wrapped around your head. 

This is what depression really looks like:

When I had my doctor's appointment after making the decision to go on Lexapo I remember her telling me, big life changes such as graduating college/buying a house/moving out/a new job can all bring on depression. 

Oh, so just every life event that takes place in your early 20s.

I could barely make it through the work day before getting home and completely losing it for no reason. I didn't want to stay in my brand new loft downtown. I would drive to mom and dad's at all hours and most nights just stay there. If I did make it back to my house I wouldn't sleep. It was a Chinese fire drill between the bed and the couch. I had no appetite. 

All the while this internal struggle was consuming me, I was going out on the weekend, dating, spending Saturdays taking road trips to lake houses, celebrating bachelorette parties. If you saw me, on the surface, I looked great.

I took offense the first time my mom suggested I might be depressed [and that I had been battling this for a while.] Holy shit, I'm 23, I'm not depressed. I just had a bad day.

But when you can't eat because your stomach hurts so badly from anxiety and lack of sleep, you get over the hurt feelings. We both now agree I had been battling depression since high school. 

Let me say one thing, if you're feeling any of this or depressed in any way, shape, or form, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I promise you the check out girl at Target is not going to judge you because you have Lexapro sitting on your counter at home. To the outside world you look perfectly fine. I mean how could you be depressed if you're on the lake in a bikini with a beer and a hot boy? 

I have been on Lexapro for two year this July [mom and I lovingly refer to them as my "crazy pills"] I can't imagine my life the way I was living it back in the spring of 2013. I think back on so many life moments when I was proud of the way I handled what life threw at me and I know I couldn't have done it without Lexapro. I may look the same in pictures but I look very different when I look at myself in the mirror. And that makes all the difference. 

Don't be afraid to open up to family and close friends. I was received with love and support and was pleasantly surprised to learn I had friends who too were on Lexapro. [see I told you, it's not like a scarlet letter L] Don't get me wrong life is hard and periods of it just plain suck. But sometimes you need some extra help and that is a-okay.

So, check out the Get the Picture Campaign, it's a great source of encouragement and if you've gone through the same it's wonderful to hear others' stories. 

It's time depression wasn't viewed as taboo.

Friday 3/13

What I Watched Wednesday

Last week I blogged about one show and two movies I was loving and my Watch List of three movies I was dying to see. I have since checked two of those off my list, and found an amazing sleeper indie. 

Friday night I watched Whiplash, and let me tell you it lives up to its hype.

There are a couple intense scenes with flying chairs and forced tears but the movie is amazing and I for one want to know why Miles Teller wasn't nominated. 

Also, a good number of the insults are hilarious. 

This is a definite have to see Oscar nomination from this year.

Saturday I was in the mood to do nothing so I started trolling for movies. I ended up finding The Paperboy with Nicole Kidman, Matthew McConaughey, Zac Efron, John Cusack, and Macy Gray. The spark notes version of the plot is pretty simple, a reporter returns to his Florida home-town to investigate a case involving a death row inmate. But he gets so much more than bargained for. I was glued to it. And you get to see Zac Efron in tighty whiteies. Pretty much a win-win for everyone.

Last night, I checked another one of my Watch List movies off, Foxcatcher.

I will warn you now, this movie is slow. Some might call it boring. The film is based off a true story that is actually quite interesting but it doesn't translate into a super thrilling movie. I liked it, but you have to stick with it. 

I'm hoping to check Nightcrawler off my list this weekend and then start all over again! 

Any recommendations? Comment below! 

And another one bites the dust

Oh why can I not conquer love?

And I might have thought that we were one

Wanted to fight this war without weapons

And I wanted it, I wanted it bad

But there were so many red flags

Now another one bites the dust

Yeah, let's be clear, I'll trust no one

You did not break me

I'm still fighting for peace

Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,

But your blade—it might be too sharp

I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,

Yeah, I may snap and I move fast

But you won't see me fall apart

'Cause I've got an elastic heart

I've got an elastic heart

Yeah, I've got an elastic heart

And I will stay up through the night

Let's be clear, won't close my eyes

And I know that I can survive

I'll walk through fire to save my life

And I want it, I want my life so bad

I'm doing everything I can

Then another one bites the dust

It's hard to lose a chosen one

You did not break me

(you did not break me, no)

I'm still fighting for peace

Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,

But your blade—it might be too sharp

I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard,

Yeah, I may snap and I move fast

But you won't see me fall apart

'Cause I've got an elastic heart

I've got an elastic heart