Get the Picture

This is a topic I have lightly tapped the past two years. I guess I've been too embarrassed, nervous, worried, not wanting to open myself up to judgement to fully touch on. And then last night I saw a Buzzfeed headline on Facebook that changed that.

This Is What Depression Really Looks Like

Once I clicked through to the article I was introduced to the Get the Picture campaign, "a campaign to end the use of head-clutching pictures in stories about depression." Young people across the world were sharing pictures of themselves in their darkest days of depression. There is no sad little cloud above your head, a bouncing blob following behind you, or a blanket wrapped around your head. 

This is what depression really looks like:

When I had my doctor's appointment after making the decision to go on Lexapo I remember her telling me, big life changes such as graduating college/buying a house/moving out/a new job can all bring on depression. 

Oh, so just every life event that takes place in your early 20s.

I could barely make it through the work day before getting home and completely losing it for no reason. I didn't want to stay in my brand new loft downtown. I would drive to mom and dad's at all hours and most nights just stay there. If I did make it back to my house I wouldn't sleep. It was a Chinese fire drill between the bed and the couch. I had no appetite. 

All the while this internal struggle was consuming me, I was going out on the weekend, dating, spending Saturdays taking road trips to lake houses, celebrating bachelorette parties. If you saw me, on the surface, I looked great.

I took offense the first time my mom suggested I might be depressed [and that I had been battling this for a while.] Holy shit, I'm 23, I'm not depressed. I just had a bad day.

But when you can't eat because your stomach hurts so badly from anxiety and lack of sleep, you get over the hurt feelings. We both now agree I had been battling depression since high school. 

Let me say one thing, if you're feeling any of this or depressed in any way, shape, or form, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I promise you the check out girl at Target is not going to judge you because you have Lexapro sitting on your counter at home. To the outside world you look perfectly fine. I mean how could you be depressed if you're on the lake in a bikini with a beer and a hot boy? 

I have been on Lexapro for two year this July [mom and I lovingly refer to them as my "crazy pills"] I can't imagine my life the way I was living it back in the spring of 2013. I think back on so many life moments when I was proud of the way I handled what life threw at me and I know I couldn't have done it without Lexapro. I may look the same in pictures but I look very different when I look at myself in the mirror. And that makes all the difference. 

Don't be afraid to open up to family and close friends. I was received with love and support and was pleasantly surprised to learn I had friends who too were on Lexapro. [see I told you, it's not like a scarlet letter L] Don't get me wrong life is hard and periods of it just plain suck. But sometimes you need some extra help and that is a-okay.

So, check out the Get the Picture Campaign, it's a great source of encouragement and if you've gone through the same it's wonderful to hear others' stories. 

It's time depression wasn't viewed as taboo.