oh baby baby it's a wild world

There is a glass candy jar that sits on the edge of our desk at work. Anyone and everyone who goes up the stairs usually grabs from it at least once a day. One of the guys in the office made the comment yesterday that I needed to switch out the candy canes currently in it to Valentine's Day candy, "you're a girl you love this holiday."

I do?

I quickly replied, "No, I'm a single girl" and he kept moving up the stairs [with seventeen mini candy canes in his pocket, you're welcome.]

I got to thinking later during my freezing ass run about what has turned into a common theme that keeps popping up at me.

What I'm 'supposed' to be vs, what I am

What I thought would be vs what is

What I feel like I should be vs. where I am

You try and control life to steer it into the direction it's suppose to be going. You keep giving that one guy and that one relationship [that is in fact not a relationship] a second, 20th, and 497th chance because it's suppose to work [damn it.]  

When I was 20 years old [and head over heels in love with love] I had the life timeline of married by 24 and baby by 26 laid out for myself.

I think it's safe to say, being four months out from 25, unless I pull a Kaley Cuocco Sweeting that ship has sailed.

Moving on, I set the life timeline of boyfriend/relationship by 25 and marriage and a baby before 30. 

Have you ever tried to date in your mid-twenties? I will be lucky to get a second date by 30. 

I went on a date where the guy made fun of my top, bracelets, accent, and sorority. 

So as I sit here in Starbucks [trying to avoid eye contact with the cute boy in front of me because he is most likely 19] I know that I may not have 100% accepted where I am in my life timeline and that's fine. Because you know what?  Life is really messy and fucking weird; and there is NO life timeline.

I will simply order my Valentines to send to friends [and my dog], try not to die running after work, and worry about the only thing on my 'timeline' right now, my buy launching Monday.