"My momma came from a softer generation"

Who would have thought blog stalking before guest lecturing the Social Media ADV 490 class last fall  would lead to such a beautiful friendship. Morgan Neal is the Online & Interactive Media Coordinator at AC Entertainment in Knoxville, TN. She is also one of my post grad life supports and this week's Pekarsk-ing Around guest blogger! Check her blog out.

Know what's worse than your parents being mad? You're parents being "disappointed." I mean really. It's always been that way for me. I'd much rather them YELL FOR HOURS, then utter that one damn sentence that makes you feel like like a speck on the dirt path of life: "I'm disappointed in you."

I'm 22. I'm completely self-sufficient (aka broke all the time). And yet I still manage to care crave my parents approval of my decisions.

Growing up in the south, certainly has it's positives. You learn the value of sweet tea, southern hospitality, yes ma'ams & no sirs, warm weather, porch sittin, God fearin' and of course all the delicious food. 

However, there are things that sometimes bug me about the unwritten rules of being a southern lady or gentleman. Don't get me wrong much of this may directly correlate to the fact that I was brought up in Southern churches -- and it certainly doesn't apply to everyone. My grandfather is a southern baptist minister, my uncle was a deacon and when my parents decided to leave the baptist church for a presbyterian one I was shocked my grandfather didn't have a heart attack. 

That "baptist guilt" you hear people talk about. Well it's real y'all. And my momma raised me in the baptist church just long enough for me to catch it. 

I've got it (not as bad as my mother aka the preachers kid), but still all it takes is a little dosage and you're destined for a life of feeling guilty far longer than you should about anything that is considered a "disappointment."

Growing up in a southern church family is well…I'll just let the ever so eloquent Pistol Annies tell you: 

I have officially managed to do something that will be kept "hush hush."

My beau and I have been dating for two years (in July). The family has met him. The family loves him (first boyfriend that has ever happened with). The family loves us. It's no secret that this, us, is the real deal. He is my forever future.

WE LOVE EACH OTHER. (in case you didn't catch my oh so subtle drift).

The place where I currently live is cheap rent, but my lease is up in July. Our landlord's daughter is moving back in. My roommate is moving closer to her job. And I can't afford to live on my own, nor do I want to. So, naturally the beau and I have made the decision to move in together. (insert gasps from all of you parents reading).

It took me almost 2 months to work up the courage to tell my mother...Okay so I didn't work up any type of courage. She cornered me. I live three hours away and the woman still knows what I'm up to. (so creepy how she does that). My dad said it "wasn't the ideal situation, but I'm an adult and I pay for all my own stuff so if it's what I want to do then that's fine."

This is where my frustration with southern church upbringing comes in. As a child your basically told that the order your life will go in is this: relationship, engagement, marriage, cohabitation, children.

But with 1 in 2 marriages ending in divorce these days, we should probably just add that on to that string. My parents are currently getting divorced. So naturally, their reaction to my big life decision probably wasn't as severe as it very well could of been. Actually if my parents weren't getting a divorce I don't know that this would even be allowed to happen at all.

I have officially thrown the "southern societal norm" out the window. If you really think about it, it is slightly ridiculous. Two people love each other and want to spend their lives together. If we aren't married it's a travesty. If we went out and got married tomorrow people wouldn't care. (well they'd probably speculate that I was pregnant, because naturally that's the only reason people get married in a rush…)

Granted, the nice thing about being an adult and being self sufficient is that they can't tell me I can and can't do. I mean what can that say? Other than nothing...which is southern parent code for "I'm disappointed in your decision." 

My sister said I should just send them cards that said "Congratulations you're gonna be a grandparent," and on the inside put "Just kidding, I'm only moving in with my boyfriend." Pause not for reaction, but for both my parents to pass out before they got to the inside of the card.

Honestly, I think all parents have an idea of how their children's lives are going to go -- how they want them to go. When we veer from that path that they have envisioned for us, it's hard for them to change direction. As children we have the same vision for our parents. I had a vision of my parents being together on my wedding day, of big family dinners at their house on holidays with my future children & my sister's children running around. That "big happy family" that seems almost unreachable these days.

That's the funny thing about making plans, God always has a different one. As children we will disappoint our parents, as parents they will disappoint us. But at the end of the day if we all do what's best for us, and the ending result is that we are happy as individuals, then we will be happy as a family. Sure my parents probably aren't "thrilled," but I can always count of them for love and support....(sometimes the support just takes a little time).

I finally had my rebellious moment....at 22 years old. I didn't do drugs, I didn't get pregnant, I didn't run off with a criminal. I think compared to the alternatives, it could be a lot worse.

I can hear 'em all now: "Bless her heart."